Two Halloweens ago I got the bright idea to accompany my best friend to his favorite gay bar for Halloween. I thought drag queens + Halloween would make them even MORE entertaining (if that’s at all possible.)

In theory I was probably right.

In execution I was WAY wrong.

It was my first Halloween being legal, so I decided to go balls out. I drank a bottle of wine before I even met Ray to go to the bar and needless to say I was feeling the buzz.

Then we took shots of tequila at his house. Lots of them.

I don’t exactly remember going into the bar, and I sure as HELL don’t remember leaving.

I woke passed out in the effing mulch. My knees were bloody from falling in the gravel. I couldn’t seem to find Ray or his car. Basically I was at the top of my game.

Eventually Ray scooped me up and took me back to his house to sleep it off. The next thing I remember is waking up on Ray’s couch and really having to pee. Something was wrong though… I had no pants.

No big deal, right…I mean we’ve all lost an article of clothing or two after a drunken night.

Wrong.

Ray lives with his parents.

I found my pants all the way in the other end of the house. I was too embarrassed to ask, but Ray me later that yes, his parents noticed the lack of clothing while I was walking around the house the night before. With no pants on.

I’m one class act.