Where Everybody Knows Your Name

I live in a small town. Even smaller than the town where Sarah Palin was the mayor– HEY-YO I’ll be here all night.

My whole COUNTY has about 16,000 people. Most of y’all live in developments or city blocks that hold more than that. I’ve lived here all my life which means I know almost every single one of those people. Let me rephrase that– every single one of those people know me. You know what I mean– they seem to know exactly who I am, but I can’t place their face or name for the life of me.

On the surface it sounds nice that we’re one little community and we supposedly help each outer out when we’re in need, but some days it’s just annoying. I can’t even go out in public without the guarantee that I will see someone that I don’t really want to talk to. If we could just do a polite head nod it wouldn’t be bad, but people seem to have this weird NEED to ask me overly personal questions about my life. Here’s a great example.

Today I went to the grocery store and of course ran into someone I knew about 5 years ago but hadn’t seen since. Here’s about how it went.

nosy nelly: Maxie! Wow! Look at you… (ed note: what the fuck does that mean?)
me: yea. I got old. how are you?
nosy nelly: I’m good. how are you doing?
me: good. well it was good to see you, but I have a lot of shopping to do…
nosy nelly: no wait! What have you been up to? Did you graduate? What are you doing?
me: I’m not in school anymore. (ed note: this is my polite way of saying, “no, I did not graduate college, but I am not in school anymore. you do the math.) I work at [redacted]. I like it.
nosy nelly: Oh. Okay. Did you ever marry [insert name of my asshole ex]?
me: ha ha ha ha ha HA. No. Okay, well I’m gonna go. Like I said, lots of shopping to do. Good to see you!
nosy nelly: bye bye, hun!

I may seem like a bitch, but I swear I get asked these SAME questions every time I venture outside of the bubble that is my house. Yea, my life rocks. Sometimes I really think I’m on The Truman Show or something… You guys would tell me, right?