The AntiBitch – Episode 1

Today I think I read one too many blog posts that were nothing but bitching and griping and general boo-hoo-woe-the-fuck-is-me. And honestly, it’s just exhausting.
But I realize it’s incredibly easy to write about something when you’re upset, but writing about happiness is the mental equivalent of inducing labor on a pregnant man.
So today I’m making a conscious effort to be thankful…
  1. That in these tough economic times, I still have a place to go to where I get yelled at for a late report. And that the vending machine ALWAYS has diet coke.
  2. That my man tits or mits (thanks, Avitable), are shrinking and actually getting some definition, which is: (n). less gross than before.
  3. That for an overweight ‘mo, I’m oddly confident in short shorts (so boys at the Renaissance Inn in Weston, FL: I hope you have health insurance because reparative eye surgery is pricey).
  4. That despite giving up some luxuries (like food and water and manicures), I still consider myself the richest guy in the world because I have this and this in my life.