Somebody Please Try This

I am going to go ahead and put this out there– this is the most exciting/horrible thing I have EVER heard of. In my whole fucking life.

A few weeks ago my best friend told me about this new way of getting high. Me being me, I was very excited because I love being Ahead Of The Curve. Sidenote: No, she did not try it, and you’ll know why once I tell you what it is.

Her boyfriend has to do drug training for his job and told her about it. I didn’t believe anyone would actually do this until I saw it on the Internet. (you know, cause everything on the Internet is true)

It’s called Jenkem, but it also goes by names like “butthash” and “fruit from the crack pipe.”

What is it, you ask? Well basically you poop AND pee in a bottle and then you put it in a sunny area with a balloon over the top. It starts to ferment and eventually the balloon is full of gas that you huff and it gives an amazing, euphoric high.

Back it up for a second… you SWALLOW YOUR MANY DAY OLD POOP AND PEE GAS???

What the fuck is this world coming to? I mean I get it– this stuff is free and possibly legal (can you really make swallowing your own gases illegal?), but after reading this I really wish coke or crack was easier to get, because the kids who are doing it obviously just need to find a good dealer.

How the hell did the first person figure this out anyway? The technique comes from Africa, but why did the first person in the united states agree to do it? I don’t care how badly I want to get high. There’s just no fucking way.

As an added bonus, your breath smells like poop for DAYS after you do it. Awesome sauce.

So one question: who is going to do some field testing?