Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I came in, dropped my keys in the key bowl, put my two phones and my wallet on the bookcase in the living room, and crashed on my bed.

Two hours later, I wake up to the front door hacked open and both phones INCLUDING MY WALLET WITH ALL MY IDs IN IT

GONE.

LA-DEE-FUCKING-DA

Thank god I still have my car and my virginity (or parts thereof)

Note to Universe: I know I was complaining about having nothing to do, but couldn’t you have given me a charity project or something? As opposed to screwing me over?! What about for all those times when I asked you for a uterus??! I mean COME ONNNN! SERIOUSLY????!