My PSA about rail vodka.

I was quite surprised by the number of comments on last Tuesday’s post that involved rail vodka. Have y’all been living under a rock? Rail vodka is the best (worst) invention ever.

My personal definition of rail vodka is the cheapest stuff you can find. I’m pretty sure they call it “rail” because it’s along the rail of a bar– basically the opposite of Top Shelf. Below are my rules when dealing with rail vodka because it can be a sticky subject:

  • Never start the night drinking rail vodka unless you’re under 21. I’m not sure what magically happened when I turned 21, but somehow I stopped being able to chug disgusting drinks and I think this happens to other people too. If you are under 21 you are too young to be reading this blog. I’m kidding– let’s hang out. I miss my youth. Call me.
  • Rail vodka always comes in a plastic bottle. There was a little incident over the summer where I bought vodka in a plastic bottle because it had a fancy name and french flag on it. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS. If it comes in a plastic bottle it is disgusting and will taste like nail polish remover if you leave it in your car for too long.
  • Rail vodka is the stuff they use when the drinks are “free” or pretty close to it. Ever wonder how bars run specials where you can get a disgusting cranberry and vodka for super cheap? It’s because you’re basically drinking rubbing alcohol. That’s why the drinks are usually not that strong and mostly ice. They need to hide the disgusting taste.
  • Rail vodka always has a funny brand name. In my college hometown it was Vladimir, affectionately referred to as Vladdy.
  • Rail vodka will give you a killer hangover. Do not drink it the night before an exam, the night before Thanksgiving (points to self) or Christmas (points to self again).

For anyone who is still crazy enough to chug the stuff please print out my rules and try to follow as many as possible. If you don’t you might end up like me.