Money Money Money Money

Now that you have some background music for your reading, I can tell you about my problem.

I need a job. No, no–don’t worry I still have my current job. I just need a career, and because I’m lazy I’m leaving it up to everyone else to pick one for me.

I am about to shock you- you better sit down. I don’t have a college degree. I know you’re probably blown away since my grammar and spelling are perfect and my words flow like Shakespeare, but it’s true.

So what I’m really looking is a direction. I’m slowly filling out college apps for next winter, and I’m stuck when I get to the whole “major” part. I know everyone says that you can go to college and you will figure out it, but I just don’t believe it. I’m 23, and I have no fucking clue. NO CLUE. But I do know a few things I don’t want to be:

  1. A doctor. Obvy at this point it would be a little late to go down this path, but I’m including this since it was my initial dream. For the year that I attended (and by attended, I mean I sat in my dorm room and drank) WVU I was a biology/pre-med major, and it was HELL. In fact, I don’t want any major that involves me going to a lot of lab classes. Fucking beakers and I don’t get along.
  2. Teacher. I fucking hate children. I almost murdered a few on the Metro the other day. I don’t want to waste 4-5 years in school and then end up in jail because I killed a bunch of little ones.
  3. Nurse. This may be obvious from the whole “i hate lab classes” thing, but I just don’t see myself being a good nurse. Along with hating children, I hate old people and I hate helping anyone, so that’s not going to work. I also hate the way hospitals/nursing homes smell.
  4. Pop Star. I’m sure many of you were getting ready to suggest this one, but if the paparazzi followed me around I’d make Lindsay Lohan look like an angel. I’d like to stay out of the spot light, thank you very much. (lie) Also, I can’t sing. Details, details.

So what do you think? What’s left.

p.s. It should make lots of money. Or you should find me a rich husband. Either one.