Hi. It’s me again. The one who on occasion shows up here with quite possibly the coolest stories ever told only to all of a sudden be ripped down from his throne of coolness by the realization that the story might just be a lame urban legend that I have been fooled into telling all of you as if it were fact.

I’m still mourning.

Yes. I came here loud and proud with my story about the snake and the girl and the stretching and the attempted eating. I came here truly believing that it were 100% true. Who could make up such a thing? Well…I come back to admit that I now have my doubts. But believe me, I never meant to deceive you. I cherish the trust that internet strangers have in my judgement calls. For example, I’d hate to think that right this very second, your believe in me has shattered to the point that the boys are all thinking that maybe man bags ARE cool.

NO. THEY. ARE. NOT.

I am trying to verify with my source who said it was his cousin who found herself in the predicament. The story was laced with details, timelines and the credibility of being cottage neighbours every summer. I was hooked. Am I convinced? I don’t know…urban legends are based on fact but this one seems too close to be true. On the plus side, I come here with a real, crazy and awesome story that happened to me specifically – not to my cousin’s boyfriend’s boss’ dog’s groomer’s acquaintance. Ready?

So the other night I’m out cutting up a rug. I meet this cool chick. We hit it off. We go back to her place. AND THEN I WAKE UP IN A TUB OF ICE AND I’M MISSING A KIDNEY!

I kid you not. It’s completely true. Also, you’re lucky I’m writing this post because I just mixed Pop Rocks and Pepsi. I’m going to die any minute now.

Thank you for your time.